How to Respond When a Company Asks for a Reference and Your Previous Boss Was Toxic
References are a crucial part of the job application process. They provide potential employers with insights into your character and work ethic. But what do you do when your previous boss is unlikely to provide a positive reference? 🧐 Well the good news is that at the end of the day, the company is simply looking to speak with folks who can vouch for your professionalism. So we’ll give them that.
What Not to Tell the Interviewer
But first, let’s start with some things to avoid saying to the interviewer:
1. Trash Your Previous Boss 🗑️: No matter how toxic or immature your previous boss was, avoid speaking negatively about them. It reflects poorly on your professionalism and can raise red flags for the potential employer.
2. Blame Your Boss 🫵🏼: Placing blame solely on your previous boss might make you appear as though you're unwilling to take responsibility or work within a challenging environment.
3. Decline the Reference Request ⚠️: Refusing to provide any reference from your previous job can also send the wrong message. It may raise suspicions about your performance in that role.
So don’t frame it as a:
❌ my last manager was problematic
❌ I don’t want you to talk to them
❌ they’re going to say mean things bc they’re bitter I left
What to Say to the Interviewer
Here’s what you can do instead:
1. Seek Alternative References ✔️: If your previous boss is uncooperative, offer alternative references who can speak to your professional abilities. This could include colleagues, supervisors from other departments, or even clients you worked with closely. Be sure to inform these individuals that they may be contacted as references.
2. Use Character References 📢: If you're lacking professional references from your previous job, you can offer character references such as mentors, coaches, or volunteer coordinators who can speak to your personal qualities and work ethic.
3. Address the Situation Honestly and Diplomatically 😌: During the reference request, be honest about your challenging relationship with your previous boss but avoid going into excessive detail. You might say, "I had a difficult working relationship with my previous boss, but I've learned a lot from that experience, and I believe that my colleagues can provide more insight into my professional abilities."
In other words, simply reframe it as:
✅ talking to my last manager won’t help you reach your goal, so here are folks who will.
✅ “I’d be happy to provide references for you. For context, my manager at my previous role actually isn’t able to provide the most accurate account of my work. Instead, I have other professional references that will be able to provide you much more detailed answers to any concerns or questions that you may have!”
🤨 You might think, “Erin, why can’t I just tell them my last manager was toxic AF?” You might be able to! If you feel you can be honest, go for it.
Buuuuut most of the time, it’s most likely going to reflect poorly on you. The interviewer doesn't know both sides of the story, and they’re trained to look for red flags 🚩 avoid speaking negatively in general! 🙈
Instead, provide them with references (ex-coworkers, old managers, other higher ups) that can accurately vouch for your professionalism.
You’re doing them a favor: providing higher quality references that will be able to speak accurately about you as a professional. That’s all they want!
You got this! 👏
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